Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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