You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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