Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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