Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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