When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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