I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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