He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
