he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
