I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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