Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
