So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
