You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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