We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
