Your dad touched me again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize