If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
