my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize