I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize