she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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