Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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