so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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