$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
