Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
