I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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