this just has baby written all over it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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