I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
