bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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