it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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