Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize