great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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