come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize