hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
