Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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