Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
