As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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