Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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