my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
