Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize