There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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