the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
