is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize