Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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