I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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