OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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