Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
