this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
