I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Life is so much better after having sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
