didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
