I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
