"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she woke up with a sticky ear
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
