Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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