my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
