i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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