Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
