theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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