nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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