And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
