the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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