He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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