are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
