She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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