This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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