It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he fucked my hip out of place.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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