On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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