I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
