I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
