So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
