god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
