Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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