my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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