Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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