FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
