you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
