new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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