I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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