I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
