Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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